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[24 Jan 2005|10:03am] |
hey!
for anyone who may still read this,
GIRL SCOUT COOKIES ARE ON SALE!!
they're three dollars a box, and i've got them all - Thin Mints, Caramel De'lites, Peanut Butter Sandwiches, Shortbreads, Animal Treasures, Lemon Pastry Creams, Peanut Butter Patties, and Pinantas!
leave me a comment here or get in touch with me otherwise and i'll get you yr very own yummy cookies!
its my the last year i'll be able to sell cookies, and i wanna sell a THOUSAND boxes, so help me out, please.
and besides, how many other 17yr old Girl Scouts do you know?
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[17 Oct 2004|09:34am] |
so yeah. college applications distress me terribly. so badly, in fact, that after senior advisory on friday i had to go buy a bong. now does that fucking win (lose) or what?
early decision NYU... PLEASE GOD PLEASE!
and this weekend i dyed (died) my hair again, and it was supposed to turn out auburn... but my pretty blonde hair of damagedness came out like purpleish red. and i'm not really totally sure i like it. and i got it cut too and i think its shorter than i wanted. but i dunno. everyone else likes it a whole lot and maybe i'm just being a stupid girl. but soon, i'm gonna dye it solid brown again, or cut it up to my natural color and then bleach it out, agian.
and this weekend is rilo kiley, and ollie should call me back and come to austin for the austin show, cuz my mommy said that if i want, if she comes to visit, i can ride back up to denton with her and see the denton show too and then ride the greyhound home.
and now, since i'm lazy and don't know how to LJcut, here's my really long and silly and made me really happy story about seeing bright eyes twice and set lists and girl scout cookies.
and i went and saw birght eyes and m ward (heart) and jim james (from my morning jacket). and it was at the papamount and it was soooo beautiful and lovely. except for the lame kids who didn't know any of the words, not even to waste of paint, and talked during the songs and dressed stooopid. AND pyscho bitch from my school had to show up in the middle of the front row, which she was entirely undeserving of, and she was the biggest offender in terms of being a lame kid. it made me really angry and kinda interfered with my listening enjoyment. she hugged ppl she didn't know, who didn't want to be hugged, and did interpretive dance movements that interfered with other people's personal space and talked during songs and did all of the other most offensive behaviours, like staring at conor non-stop, even when jim james or matt ward was singing or playing and conor was just tooling around on bass. and i mean, we all adore conor but thats still really disrespectful and it just kinda bugged me.
BUT - aside from the lame ppl in the audience, it was incredible. and i wore brittany's dress from london nad looked super super cute, and more importantly, felt super super cute. and i sat in the middle of the front row with mike. and the played train under wayer, and we must sing, and a song by daniel johnson and i knew the song and it was sooooo awesome.
and m ward was wonderous and he and conor played o'brien and he played helicopter and wow, he can play guitar like no other. and jim james was really cool, even though i'd never really heard of him before that show. cuz he played in his socks in the dark. and that was super. and his voice is incredible. and they were the monsters of folk.
see, i waited like a week to post this for a reason. so i wouldn't just like gush all over and be the stupid scenster kid.
and then after the show, when we're all waiting around to try and exit the building, mike asks for the set list and gets turned down. so... i go and ask for the set list using my super amazing girl powers, and was just all like, "umm... do you think maybe I could get the set list??" and the guy was like, sorry, sweetie, can't do it.
BUT THEN, i turn back around as i'm walking off and he gives me this look and motions with his finger for me to come here and hands me this little folded up piece of paper and its a set list! and i got to just like geek out and be really overly excited about it.
and then, the next day, (sunday), they were doing a taping at austin city limits, and my mom had called me from work on friday to be like - go down to the production building RIGHT NOW and get passes!! - and i'd called mike to make him go get some for me. and he and merilee went and got them and then on sunday me and mike and candice and merilee went and saw the taping. which mostly involved waiting outside in line for about forever. like seriously, i got there at 3'oclock and doors were at 7:45.
so then i see the guy who had given me a set list and he's sitting off in the corner smoking and everyone's like... go talk to him and say thank you!! ... and so i did, and it turns out that his name is bill and he's their tour manager, and we talked for a long-ish sorta time, and he was really cool and really nice and when i mentioned that i was still a girl scout and was curating a show of girl scout art, he gave me his cell phone number, and got mine, and is gonna buy girl scout cookies from me in the spring, for the tour bus. how fucking cool is that?> and he said if i could get them cookies while they were on the road, he'd try and see about getting me an advance ticket and pass for the birght eyes show here in the spring. sooo... i win.
and the taping was also really good and really awesome, mostly, except there were like 80billion cameras all up in my personal space and view and that kinda sucked. but it was okay. cuz it was still really good and awesome and lovely and fun.
THE END>.
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[27 Sep 2004|09:47am] |
dear livejournal.
i hate you and most of lots of other things.
seriously. i love how middle school everything seems and how freshman year seems like such a long time ago. which kinda makes me sad, cuz i had some pretty fucking awesome times back in the day.
and i hate how everything sucks and it feels like we all have to grow up so fast and now i'm finally feeling grown up, like i am grown up, instead of feeling like i'm acting grown up or seeming grown up. and i'm know that i'm not really grown up at all that i'm still horribly petty and stupid and inmature and continue to enjoy acting like an eight year old most of the time. i guess i've just felt alot more independent lately. which is kinda cool and fun until i wanna be a big baby and then it sucks cuz i'd been bragging on myself for not being a big baby and everyone thinks i'm stupid and needy.
dear livejournal. why am i awake this early and why am i posting here>?
so we broke up and that makes me kinda sad and happy all at once, but mostly really sad cuz nothing's like it used to be and cuz i'm just being sad alot right now, which is okay, i guess, but makes me feel pretty stupid when i want to whine to him and just be held really really tight so that i might not break. and i'm very much feeling right now i need to be understood and not just some stupid kid. and what makes me happy is sort of that i feel like i'm being a person by myself again, which is good, considering that we'd been together almost a year and a half and i went straight into things with him from marcus, which had lasted six months or so. so i'm more or less single for the first time in two years and its strange to define myself with out anyone else to attach it to.
but mostly since the move i feel like nothing is the same anymore.
my mommmy and me moved in with her girlfriend vicki and i know we're still in the same city and all and that i didn't have to change schools or anything, and we're only like 2 miles further away but i still think it really sucks, cuz it does. and its totally unfair, having to move right at the start of my senior year, having to move out of the house i grew up in, the place i always came home to. cuz it was me and kathleen and jennifer there, and then just me and kathleen and then me and kathleen and nancy... and no matter where else jennifer and i lived or who the parental type adults in my life were that was home. and now its just gone. and so is like half of our stuff and the setting of so many of my memories.
and living here just sucks. really really sucks. cuz for starters, three dogs, three cats, three of us and more than three weeks later and i'm still the only one who's unpacked much at all. but mostly i hate it cuz since i have the mornings off i have to do everything around here. i do almost all the cooking and almost all the cleaning and in the three or so hours before i leave for school i have to accomplish a bunch of stupid tasks for vicki, like sitting out with the dogs and doing the dishes from the meal i made the night before and the putting them all away again and vaccuuming and doing to prep cooking for what i'm making for dinner that night. and i can't sleep. like really i'm only sleeping four or so hours a night and i'm tired all the time. and last week i was so sad and anxious that i just couldn't go to school on wedensday or thursday. just couldn't move out of the house or face the world at all. i just want to hide here i don't want to leave or talk to anyone or do anything at all, ever again.
and senior year sucks. really really sucks. cuz all my classes and teachers and almost all of the kids are stupid. and i hate it. and i just get high before school, almost everyday, cuz i just can't handle it. its douche central hard core.
anyways, i don't know what my fucking problem is. enjoy my semi obligatory every three months or so livejournal post. lovelovelove libby.
PS- there are still some things that make me really uncontrolably happy and pleased, i just seem to be having a harder time finding them lately.
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| not fair |
[10 Jul 2004|11:25am] |
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mood |
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emo and generally pathetic |
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music |
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her space holiday - something to do with my hands |
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nobody left me a beach towel.
i ate all the cheese last night when i was drunk and had the munchies and forgot about it until i was in the middle of making a sandwich.
i look retarded in my swimsuit.
i think mike and i are fighting too much and last night when i was drunk was the nicest i've been to him in weeks.
my mom decided that we have to sell our house. cuz we can't afford it. and it just makes me really sad. cuz i've lived here my whole life. its always been here, always been the constnat... like no matter what my parents were doing... kathleen and jennifer lived here, i could always come back here no matter where jennifer lived... nancy lived here with us. its home... we've had all the same furniture since i was a kid. we can't just go getting rid of all it. i've always lived here. i don't want to move.
this is coming from the kid who cries every time she thinks too much about growing up and moving away all by myself for college and stuff. cuz it seems so scary and overwhelming. and i'm not even going to be able to come back here. my mom's lived in this house for twnety years, this is where she's supposed to grow old and retire and always live.
it just won't be the same anymore... to live at vicki's... we can't even afford for me and vicki and my mom to get a house together. we're going to move into vicki's house, which isn't even really big enough for all of us, is in worse shape than our house. and my uncle will still be sleeping on the couch two nights a week, and we'll have all three of the dogs and our two cats and vicki's cat... and what if we have to give some of them away? we don't have anyone to give them too.
i'm just really mad at my mom about this i guess. it just feels really unfair. this has been the only stable place, its always been the same and i don't want to leave. and john's not going to come with us. and nothing will be in the right place anymore.
i mean its only like a mile further north than we live now, but how am i going to get to the bus, and how am i going to get to school, and nothing's going to be as close anymore, and its going to be so crowded and her neighbors are all so white trash and i know thats terrible and shallow and awful of me to say but they are.
i just think that its really unfair of my kathleen, cuz she always said we'd stay here at least until i was going to move out... and there's only like a year until then, she could have waited it seems like. and it feels like it will just push me out even faster when i graduate and what if i'm not ready for that?
and i'm mad at jennifer too. for not transferring the money to kathleen every month like she's supposed to. i know its not really that much, and that we're doing okay, finacially, since we can still afford for me to go to huntington, even if it is kind of a stretch and its coming mostly from my college fund.
i just feel like this isn't how things are supposed to turn out. like i'm not ready to grow up yet.
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| somedays i just stop and think... omg, i'm 17 and i still use my fucking livejournal. |
[04 Jul 2004|12:01pm] |
yesterday i zapped myself with the electric bug zapper.
twice.
on purpose.
it rocked.
if i started writing publicly again... does anyone even still read this thing>?
i think i'd be going friends only - maybe not though... leave a comment (haha. comment whoring) if you care much at all.
the bug zapper thing didn't hurt too much. john tried nipple, tounge, ear, lips, nose... all kind of retarded shit. we laughed. he said fuck and such things very loudly.
love love love. libby.
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| i sold girlscout cookies like drugs today |
[17 Jan 2004|11:57pm] |
GIRLSCOUT COOKIES ON SALE>
I HAVE VEGAN COOKIES TOO>
YAY COOKIES>
YES, I'M STILL A GIRL SCOUT
(AND PROUD OF IT)
SO BUY SOME COOKIES
(please...?)
$3/a box
i'll have them for a month about
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[06 Jan 2004|09:22am] |
the more i delay writing this stupid paper the more i fuck myself over.
and i know that.
and i'm still updating about it instead of doing it.
2 hours.
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| trying to write (bullshit) my bright eyes paper |
[05 Jan 2004|09:34pm] |
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Well a kid carries his Walkman on that long bus ride to Omaha. I know a girl who cries when she practices violin. Because each note sounds so pure it just cuts into her and then the melody it comes pouring out her eyes. Now, to me, everything else just sounds like a lie.
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| more bright eyes lyrics since i'm sorta working on my paper about them |
[02 Jan 2004|01:01pm] |
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music |
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bright eyes. duh. |
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Kathy with a K's song
Love is real. It is not just in novels or the movies. It is fact and it is standing here right in front of you. So if you'd open your eyes, oh what a sweet discovery. There is hope. There is joy. And there is acceptance. So now let all the light that collects on your plants keep you warm, make you smile. And I will be there with this pen in my hand, to record, all the while... you'll be laughing so loud that the house would shake with sound. And everything will be as new as the day that it was found.
Love is real. It is not just in long distance commercials. Or something you thought you felt back in high school. So, I will turn black and white and become the horoscope that you are reading. It predictsthat something good is on its way. Then I will send you the world green and blue, in a box through the mail. You can open it up and hold it right in your hand and be glad that it's there. And be glad that you're there. Now you can feel all the knots in your stomach start to untie. And suddenly it is not so hard to say you're all right.
Love is real. It is not just in poetry and stories. It is truth, and it will follow you everywhere you go from now on. So if you'd just cast off your doubt, then your lips would answer for you. Oh my darling, when you smile it is like a song. And I can hear it now.
Loose Leaves
The story is in the soil. Loose leaves cover the ground. There are volumes in the forest no one reads out loud. If I could take them down off of that mountain shelf... we used to climb but no one tries to go up that far now. Yeah we're all too busy working, entertaining ourselves, 40 hours, television and prescription pills. Well, I take two a day to make my brain behave. It never does but who is to say, at least my doctor gets paid. So that is fine, yeah come by, we'll take the afternoon off. We can kiss and undress or if you want just talk. Because I have got nothing real, just empty space to fill. And you are my girl, I like your style, just imagine all the time we could kill.
And time is not poihon but once you drink it all you'll die. So lets just sip it real slow, yeah, we can nurse it all night. Try to believe that once its gone they will pour another round. We will come back to life. We'll come right back.
It's all moving faster now, yeah, that's what they say. And though some days may take forever I can't disagree. Because it seems to me that I wake up and sleep, look in the mirror and have no idea what happened inbetween. But I remember counting days down till the year could be done. So I could scatter all my notebookson the prep school lawn and disappear again into a summer's bliss of staying out and sleeping in and getting drunk with my friends. And that's gone and I know that it won't ever come back. I accept. I won't cling to what I had in the past but life is a slippery slope. Regret is the steepest hill. Hope for the best. Plan for the worst and maybe wind up somewhere in the middle.
And I'm not saying that I know what I want. But I know what I don't, don't want to rot in my room and never know what could have been, believe what everyone else tells me is true. They will say 'true'. That is what they'll say. That's it.
Neely O'Hara
In the morning when you throw up water and your skin it turns a pale, pale yellow, well every day you lose more color. Do you think that someone paints your mirror? So you think that things sound different at the time when you speak, well there are visions much clearer than these blurs that you see. And like Neely O'Hara you swallow your sleep and wake in the morning to find you are not who you used to be. You don't recognize the behavior or the spelling of your name and the shape that is in the mirror- well you swear it is not the same. And like Neely O'Hara you swallow your sleep and you really can't remember but you know you are not, think you are not, no you are not who you used to be.
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